Journal Ps 139-140 (all references are from the ESV; changes in punctuation are mine)
Scripture: “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts and see if there be any grievous way in me…” excerpts from Ps 139:17-41
Observation: This cry from the Psalmist is not without purpose. “Reveal to me 2 things, O God: 1) Your thoughts, and; 2) how your thoughts are aligned in me.”
Analysis: Most times when cries go out like this all that is wanted is information.
“Your thoughts are precious, O God.” “Your thoughts are without number; there are a ton of them, more than I can count.”
It is the second cry that causes a hiccup in the road: “Search me, O God. Know my heart. Try me (evaluate me, put me under a microscope, set me before a jury of my peers) and see (determine, define, conclude, establish, clarify, reveal) if there be any grievous way (something that causes grief or heartache) in me.”
It is the cry of a person saying, “I want YOUR ways to be MY ways; I want YOUR thoughts to be MY thoughts; I want to be transformed!!”
To be aligned in the Holy Spirit is to remember this part of the Gospel: Through the atonement, I have been born again; All things are new, therefore I am new as well. I have written before that the modern-day analogy is that the hard drive of my heart has been reformatted.
It is the truth! It is why my life can be laid down at the cross DAILY; it is why I can TRUST that God will provide all the things I need; It is why I DO NOT need to assert my rights, wants, or desires, because HE goes before me and is my rear guard; and HE cares for me more than I could ever care for myself AND will do it more thoroughly, efficiently, and in completeness.
This is the day after Christmas 2020. To say my holidays were problematic would be an understatement and nowhere near describing the depths. Did I fail to practice what I preach? Oh, yeah, failed momentously. I was the poster boy of failure in godliness. Did I fail to guide others around me? Oh, yeah, I sure did.
I realize (again, you stupid boy) that I don’t get to coast in godliness—gain a momentum and see how far I can go before I coast to a halt. That works but only coasting until you get to the edge of a cliff and fall straight off—I must prepare for war every day (whole armor of God thing—see Eph 6).
This set of verses in Ps 139 is not only the cry of someone in dire straits, but the conscientious (careful, dutiful), DAILY cry of a disciple.
Prayer: Father, yesterday was bad. All the actions and thoughts were around anything and everything but You. You were in our mouth, but not our hearts. Personal pain triumphed over our hearing of Your Voice.
I failed you yesterday, Father. All the stuff you have given and supernaturally provided went down the drain and through the garbage dispenser.
I thank you for your love and mercy shown to me on the Cross. I want to walk worthy of the calling O God. Reveal your ways to me and make me aligned to them without fear or remorse.